From the minute we are born we demand attention. Initially from our parents or caregivers because we need them to feed and nurture us in order to survive.
All of us come into the world asking 2 key questions:
“Do I matter?” and “Am I heard?”
We rely first on our parents and then on others to answer those questions. And as we build a sense of safety, we become more confident in ourselves, in others and in the world around us. We build our sense of self, of who we are and why we matter.
When we realise and appreciate our potential and abilities, then our authority comes from within and we are self-reliant. There is no need to seek permission or approval from others and you make your own decisions without fear of rejection.
Insecurity on the other hand, can lead us to over explain, to justify our motives, defend our decisions. We become obedient, easily manipulated, coerced or controlled by others and by the need for social acceptance and to fit in.
The story of Alysa Lui’s Gold Medal at the Winter Olympics is an example of this shift to peace and freedom. As a child prodigy, Alysa skated to please others, her father, her coach and the crowd. She was told what to eat, what to wear, what music to skate to and when to train.
Then she stopped skating and retired from competition, three years after becoming the youngest ever US figure skating champion.
In March 2024, Alysa Lui returned to skating but this time on her own terms. She decided to find out who she was instead of who she was trained to be. From the need to please her coach and father and to win in front of the crowd, to coming back from retirement with an entirely different mindset.
Her recent Olympic Medal skate was a celebration of freedom and joy and refusing to be defined by others.
When we recognise that we too have this choice, we can stop performing, stop trying to prove ourselves and be at peace with who we truly are.
The difference is not intelligence or competence. It is security.
One person is seeking applause. The other is anchored in self-trust.
Peace looks like the second person.
When your authority comes from within, you do not need to perform for validation. You do not need to win every argument, justify every boundary, or explain every decision.
Peace is quiet confidence.
And it does not need applause.
Because the most powerful presence in any room is not the loudest voice — it is the person who knows they already matter.
Work for a cause, not for applause.
Live life to express, not to impress.
Don’t strive to make your presence noticed.
Just your absence felt.
– Grace Lichtenstein –