Every year on February 14th, we celebrate Saint Valentine with cards, flowers and candlelit dinners and chocolate. We search for the perfect words, the perfect setting, the perfect gesture.
But what if the best gift you could ever offer your partner or anyone else doesn’t cost a penny — and has the power to transform not just Valentine’s Day, but every day?
Let me share a secret.
You cannot buy it at the shops or order it from the internet, you cannot make it or sign it or post it, you cannot see it or eat it or taste it, you cannot wrap it or wear it or hide it.
And it is free, totally FREE and available to you every day of the year!
The most powerful gift in any relationship is the simple, elegant, beautiful act of LISTENING.
As I explore in my book “How to Beat Bedlam in the Boardroom and Boredom in the Bedroom”, the act of listening is one of the most valuable gifts that we can give to another person. To be truly listened to is to receive a precious gift from someone who is saying in effect “I am putting you first”
When we are listening, we are offering the other person the gift of understanding and acceptance (not agreement). The gift of taking that person seriously.
- To be listened to is to be valued.
- To be listened to is to be acknowledged.
- To be listened to is to be recognised as an individual.
To feel that you are not being listened to and understood can cause deep humiliation and loss of dignity. Humiliation is one of the principal root causes of violence and terrorism leading to an intense desire to restore honour and respect.
At the end of the day, making others feel special is one of the keys to building relationships as well as businesses and It is vital to fulfill the urge that we all feel to communicate at the deepest level.
The person who is listened to, is the person who is able to say, “I am understood”, “I am accepted”, “I belong here”, or even “I am loved”.
“When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. Ideas actually begin to grow within us and come to life. You know how if a person laughs at your jokes you become funnier and funnier, and if he does not, every tiny little joke in you weakens up and dies. Well, that is the principle of it. It makes people happy and free when they are listened to. And if you are a listener, it is the secret of having a good time in society (because everybody around you becomes lively and interesting), of comforting people, of doing them good,”
– Brenda Ueland –
(From a collection of her essays, “Strength To Your Sword Arm: Selected Writings by Brenda Ueland.
Copyright 1992 by The Estate of Brenda Ueland.)